MUSIC TO MY EARS 2

From Chris Heath’s profile of Paul Rudd in May issue of GQ:

“Rudd’s conversation is littered with pop-music references. To be specific, while sitting in the diner today, he will introduce into the conversation the following artists, in order: the Style Council, the Boomtown Rats, Ultravox, Adam Ant, Nik Kershaw, Depeche Mode, Blancmange, Yaz, Alphaville, Aswad, the Adventures, Howard Jones, Limahl, Elvis Costello, Tom Petty, Seals & Croft, John Mellencamp, Squeeze, Boston, David Geddes, Neil Sedaka, Glen Campbell, the Bay City Rollers, Spandau Ballet, Visage, Fad Gadget, Feargal Sharkey, Erasure, Frank Zappa, Flat Lux, Duran Duran, Ron Sexsmith, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wang Chung, Huang Chung, Go West, R.E.M., the Pogues, Hipsway, Curiosity Killed the Cat, Level 42, Haircut 100, Nick Heyward, Split Enz, Hunters & Collectors, Midnight Oil, the Hoodoo Gurus, the Proclaimers, Roman Holliday, the JoBoxers, Will Oldham, the Decemberists, Fleet Foxes, the Divine Comedy, the Magnetic Fields, Neutral Milk Hotel, Lambchop, Animal Collective, Television, James Taylor, Elton John, XTC, Sade, Status Quo, Marillion, Camper Van Beethoven, U2, Black, and the Housemartins.”

Reading this list caused some tummy flips of recognition. The words in boldface represent artists that have earned a place in my musical history. How about you?*

Since GQ pretends to be a heterosexual publication, the article didn’t mention “The Object of My Affection.” Also, inexplicably, it failed to laud Rudd’s work as the horny Lamaze instructor on “Reno 911!”

*We got spirit

Yes we do

We got spirit

How ‘bout you?

 

MUSIC TO MY EARS 1

A wondrous thing happened over the summer. My friend Ron got tired of repeating the same scene ad nauseam in restaurants and bars:

ME: I love this song!

RON: I have it in my iTunes library.

So he sent me a list of 7000 songs and said that I could have any and all of them. After much winnowing, I requested and received 619 tunes. (I remember the figure because it’s the “classic” area code for San Diego.) In the ensuing months, about 300 became permanent members of my iTunes family.

Listening to this music brings back so many memories that I’ve decided to start a series called MUSIC TO MY EARS. Ron’s gift has also produced lovely things like Lily’s Dance Party. (See previous entry.)

LILY'S DANCE PARTY

Back in the day, my sister and I used to do “the egg dance” in the living room. She (the egg whites) would dance in a circle around me (the yolk), typically to the accompaniment of several ABBA albums or the SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER soundtrack.

Anyway, since my sister is now raising her daughter at the old homestead, I was inspired to make a dance mix for my niece’s second birthday to celebrate that connection. It’s never too early to start with the dancing. (James and Ron always bring up the cookie dance I stupidly told them about.)

Gay uncles rule!

Below are the combined track listings and insert text.

LILY: MOMMY & I USED TO DANCE AROUND THE LIVING ROOM TO SOME OF THESE TUNES

1. ALICE EVERYDAY, Book of Love

Other girls with cool names you can invite over for tea and conversation.

2. PROVE YOUR LOVE, Taylor Dayne

Sassy big-haired diva dance. This chick had a huge mouth!

3. DANCING QUEEN, ABBA

Not my favorite ABBA tune but a classic nonetheless.

4. PLEASANT VALLEY SUNDAY, The Monkees

Fast, bouncy tune about living in suburbia. Jump around!

5. IF I CAN’T HAVE YOU, Yvonne Elliman

This song has it all: violins, French horn, flute…one of my all-time favorites!

6. CARS, Gary Numan

Maybe you can act out car-related movements in a trippy way.

7. COME GO WITH ME, Exposé

Ignore the stupid timbales at the beginning and the weak vocals. Just go with it.

8. KIDS IN AMERICA, Kim Wilde

Do a tough dance like you’re wearing a leather jacket and ripped clothing. “In your face!”

9. TRAGEDY, The Bee Gees

Why did I love this song when I was a kid? Bleah…

10. CRUSH ON YOU, The Jets

This reminds me of dancing with Liz in high school. You know her!

11. TOGETHER FOREVER, Rick Astley

I thought you needed to hear a baritone voice, for once.

12. LUCKY STAR, Madonna

Cool beginning, then listen for the claps and keyboard BOINKS on the chorus.

13. LOVE IS IN THE AIR, John Paul Young

Optimist anthem from Australia with nice ascendant line before each chorus.

14. IT’S A FINE DAY, Opus III

More optimism about tonight and tomorrow. Definitely trippy!

15. OH L’AMOUR, Erasure (Matt Darey Mix)

Start off in slow motion, then FREAK OUT! Could that be Cousin Nathaniel and Uncle Paul jamming on the drums?

Those of you who knew me back then may be surprised that I didn’t include my ultimate dance tune, Janet Jackson’s CONTROL. I agonized over this decision, but in the end, I thought it was a little early for Lily to hear lyrics about declaring independence from one’s parents.

WHOLE FOODS HYSTERIA

After many months of breathless waiting by the yuppie masses, the new Whole Foods outpost finally opened in Noe Valley on September 30th. BFD!

In honor of its two-month anniversary, I am proud to announce that I STILL HAVE NOT SET FOOT in that goddamn store. 

Yes, I've desperately needed milk for my pastry addiction on more than one occasion, but not free-range goat milk from New Zealand, extracted by sufficiently warm hands and candlelight. So I have to rely on Safegay (Church & Market), Se Fue (29th & Mission), or even Walgreen's (gulp).

I knew all was lost in early September when a crowd gathered to marvel at the re-paved parking lot, which was marked off with yellow CAUTION tape. Yes, like a crime scene...complete with slack-jawed dolts taking pictures. They had these weird, predatory smiles on their faces, like a wolf drooling and licking its chops in an old cartoon.

Of course, I promptly called Tommy to make snarky comments. He's my partner in crime, the Statler to my Waldorf (Muppet Show reference for you young people), and a fellow Noe Valleyian.

On opening day, I called Tommy to laugh at all the pretentious assholes promenading up and down 24th Street with their WHOLE FOODS bags. He confirmed my worst fears, reporting that he saw the same thing over the hill in the Castro. Oh, come on...do we need another status symbol? Are WHOLE FOODS bags the new children?

It's true that we should be somewhat grateful in this economy that Whole Foods has hired lot attendants to cut down on parking-related brawls. From what I've seen, they're really good at their job in terms of managing cars, SUVs, and delivery trucks. However, where they see a driveway, I see a fucking sidewalk! So they'll wave cars in without "noticing" that a pedestrian is walking in front of said car. Glare, head snap, tongue cluck!

I guess these annoying yuppies are the price one pays for living in a safe urban environment. I sometimes try to defend Noe Valley when people start ragging about "dodging strollers and leashes" on the sidewalk, but I find myself doing exactly that, especially during my Saturday morning routine (the subject of an upcoming entry).

Apologies to Seattle Matt for this rant, who currently works in the Whole Foods corporate office.

http://www.slate.com/id/2138176/

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/02/business/02food.html

CLASH OF THE TITWADS

After another scrumptious Friday lunch at Nopalito, I was waiting for the 24 at Divisadero and Oak in the middle of all that nasty construction, so parts of the sidewalk were blocked. I observed gleefully as two clueless shitheads barreled down the sidewalk on a collision course. The guy was texting, while the chick was walking her dog without keeping track of the leash extension. When they crashed and became entangled, I snickered out loud. No, they didn’t giggle, pop a mint, and fall in love as on TV. Instead, they threw each other major attitude. That is sweet justice for two of the biggest sidewalk infractions in my book. “You’re both at fault, asswipes! Deal with it!”

SPOOGE NEWS 1

DOOGIE PITS: IN HONOR OF TONIGHT'S EMMY AWARDS

Harris says the most provocative thing he's done — the farthest away from Doogie — is when he played the MC in a risque Broadway revival of Cabaret."My hair was bleached blue-black, as were my eyebrows, my armpits, my happy trail," he describes. It was jarring for Doogie Howser fans. "I certainly changed their minds," he smiles.

RANDOM LANGUAGE 1

Most of you know that I get off on the randomness of language, like those wacky names generated by spam (Bjorn Iglesias) or the ways in which my students attempt to use Spanish/English dictionaries.

Ejemplo: Toco el róbalo. (I play the bass, as in fish.)

Well, the latest random language I’ve been encountering occurs when one attempts to respond to a post on CL. One has to type in two words before CL will let one proceed with whatever it is one is selling, buying, and other verbs.

The first combination to attract my attention was “chests steadier,” which brought to mind the “bro” Seinfeld episode. Anyway, here are some others that struck me as delicious:

billystick icebox
Floridians regroup
Corvette nation
love icily
tool antidread
hump Ralph
fusion rending
Minnelli kneecaps
Mary Mr.
scallops late
tangible grandchildren
poled Jessie
venture Manhattan
using calfskin
glitters Ginsberg
primped bobbling
safer Barbara
knock Bridgeport
Kurt thud
since frisbee
crumpet income
Harvey chuckles
droops Thursday
112 curators
the anointed
Fred surmised

You see, we could combine a bunch of these to form outrageous sentences and/or headlines. I would do some for you, but since we’re spouting this “student-centered learning” claptrap in the teaching world, YOU FUCKING DO IT YOURSELF AND REPORT BACK TO ME.