MARK & DANIEL

Mark & Daniel decided to get married at City Hall the night before Election Day, as gads of early voters flocked to the polls in the basement. The irony of the situation was apparent; one of my favorite slogans was “When do I get to vote on YOUR marriage?” Luckily, we were in San Francisco, so many voters emerging from the basement cheered and clapped for the same-sex couples marrying in the rotunda. In fact, one of these supportive types snapped this pic after the short but sweet ceremony.

The grooms’ biological families down in LA are wholly supportive but couldn’t attend due to the last-minute nature of the ceremony, so Matt and I were conscripted to serve as witnesses and media coordinators. As with “the girls” in the entry below, this decision took some balls/ovaries, asking someone who is so blatantly single to participate in such a momentous event, but allí está la gracia de la situación and I didn’t hesitate for a moment. After all, Mark & Daniel are my role models for couplehood. If I ever decide to settle down, the relationship will have to be a lot like theirs.

Matt filmed the proceedings while my job was to hold cell phones nearby so the families could listen in. I also provided a little comic relief when I got confused during the ring handoff. Nevertheless, we all lost our composure as Mark & Daniel sputtered and cried their way through their original vows, which they had composed privately and were hearing for the first time. Even the DMC (Deputy Marriage Commissioner) had tears in her eyes, and I was struck by the fact that their vows moved her even though she had performed hundreds of these ceremonies previously. There was so much power behind those words, it was really quite remarkable, and I allowed myself to think that love has to win out in the end.

The sad reality is that misguided and/or hateful people on the wrong side of history voted to take civil rights away from us. Someday I hope future generations (including their own kids) will gape in disbelief at the way the religious wrong used democracy for nefarious purposes through Prop 8. (2-4-6-8, separation of Church and State!) The two ceremonies recounted here were different in many ways, but what they had in common was an expression of love and acceptance in the face of hatred and intolerance. In a way, these two dear couples decided to take the plunge and hedge their bets at the same time: our commitment will last even if the law supporting it does not.

You’ll notice that the term “cynical idealism” appears in my blog’s subtitle, so if you’re ever looking for me, that’s where I’ll be: waiting for the bus at the intersection of Love and Pragmatism.