What do the Olympic Games mean to me? The thrill of victory? The agony of defeat? The brotherhood of man? The politics of athletics? The stickiness of patriotism? The stench of corporate sponsorship?
Get real…it’s all about beautiful bodies and men who weep during medal ceremonies.
What is this thing I have about crying men? Besides Heath Ledger pictured below in the previous entry, it could be Matt Damon losing it in “Good Will Hunting” or Noah Wyle weeping in a bathroom stall on “ER” or almost anybody on “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”. Give me a strong jawline, quivering lips, watery eyes—and I’m all over the floor.
I call it a “non-sexual turn-on” but friends at a recent gathering poo-pooed the idea as hopelessly contradictory (hello, look who you’re dealing with) and said it was a fetish, pure and simple. Regardless of what we call it, it’s not about sex or humiliation or schadenfreude, but instead warm-n-fuzzy things like joy and pride and expansiveness of spirit. (Who remembers warm fuzzies and cold pricklies from Round Meadow Elementary School?! Maybe that’s where it all started…)
There were so many gorgeous bodies on parade, way too many to name here, but three notable American specimens somewhat overshadowed by others were David Lee (volleyball), Nick Symmonds (track), and Ryan Lochte (swimming, pictured above).
Speaking of Lochte, who thankfully went topless for his gold-medal backstroke performance, to hell with those state-of-the-art swimsuits! When I see men wearing them along with swim caps, I’m reminded of the East German female swimmers of yore. If American aquatics organizations really want swimming to become a more popular sport in the US, show some skin, damnit! Who doesn’t like to see four scantily clad studs hugging each other with heaving abs and perky nipples? Geez!
On that note, allow me to weigh in on the beach volleyball debate. Mr. All-or-Nothing says: “Either strip down the men or allow the women to cover up!” This goes beyond the T&A factor. I’m talking about health issues. The women have to expose more of themselves to skin cancer, but the men don’t? Hell, make the men wear Speedos and THEN we’ll have a beach party.
For all of the yummy muscles and raised arms on display, there was a severe lack of pit hair, especially in gymnastics. I understand the reasoning behind shaving for swimmers (a student once casually mentioned shaving parties and I about plotzed on the spot), but beyond that, I guess other athletes do it for aesthetic reasons? I mean, does pit hair really distract the judges during routines on the rings, even if tastefully groomed?
American gymnast Jonathan Horton, the scrappy little fratboy with the freakishly ginormous biceps, seems to have found a happy medium by trimming his pit hair nicely (as did a few of the divers). So thank you, Jonathan, even though you’re probably a huge prick/Republican I would absolutely detest in real life.
Was anyone else creaming over the volleyball players in general? All that height, sweat, arm-age, body art, and facial hair! One homophobic blogger questioned the fact that volleyball teams huddle and pat each other’s butts after each play, calling the players needy. I say, BRING IT ON!
As the volleyball tournament progressed, did you notice that the cameras started shooting the guys from the waist up during those huddles? Of course you did, because you’re as “perversant” as I am. (Combination of perverted and observant…or conversant with perversion?) WTF? It’s OK in football but not volleyball? Hypocrites!
A few names that struck my fancy:
Liam Tancock, swimming, Great Britain
Karen Burncock, trampoline, Canada
Michael Rimmer, track, Great Britain
Parting snarky comment in reference to the Chinese gymnast “scandal”: A government altering official documents? Duh! That NEVER happens, especially not in the USA.
Finally, as you may have noticed, I have written a separate entry on the latest gay hero, Matthew Mitcham, Australian gold medalist in men’s 10m platform diving. Oy! Well done, mate!
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