Sunday, July 21, 2013
PRASHANT
Sunday, May 23, 2010
LOST LITERATURE
Sunday, May 9, 2010
EXCERPT FROM "THREE STRANDS"
red on black
black on red
in descending order
1-2-3-flip
the rain thumps its fingers on the roof
the cards click against her nails
her patience is a proud silent force
like her muted perfume
and I am so mesmerized
that I don’t budge
even when it clears up outside
and the locusts begin to beckon me again
cackling in their raspy voices
and my forearms stick
to the clammy surface
of the foldout table
so I am petrified that way
and long after she takes off
running after my sister
I am still there
Sunday, March 7, 2010
CUNANAN MANIA
One day in May 1997, as I was mentally preparing to move to SF, I received a strange message:
On a lighter note, the announcement of my imminent departure from San Diego in August was timed such that David came up with the following scenario: "Since you have an Italian-sounding last name (Cunanan's nom de bar was DaSilva) and you're supposedly moving to San Francisco (little did he know that my waist had been brazenly flirting with the number 38), why don't you throw yourself a farewell bash at California Cuisine and then make a cryptic statement about how people don't really know the real you?" Believe me, I gave it some thought, but I knew I couldn't afford it.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
20 QUESTIONS FOR A CLUELESS WAITRESS
You know when you try in vain to get a server’s attention and your words hang in the air like a smacked ass, and you hope that nobody saw your craned neck, raised finger, or expectant eyebrows?
Saturday, December 5, 2009
MUSIC TO MY EARS 2
From Chris Heath’s profile of Paul Rudd in May issue of GQ:
MUSIC TO MY EARS 1
Friday, December 4, 2009
LILY'S DANCE PARTY
Back in the day, my sister and I used to do “the egg dance” in the living room. She (the egg whites) would dance in a circle around me (the yolk), typically to the accompaniment of several ABBA albums or the SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER soundtrack.
Other girls with cool names you can invite over for tea and conversation.
Sassy big-haired diva dance. This chick had a huge mouth!
Not my favorite ABBA tune but a classic nonetheless.
Fast, bouncy tune about living in suburbia. Jump around!
This song has it all: violins, French horn, flute…one of my all-time favorites!
Maybe you can act out car-related movements in a trippy way.
Ignore the stupid timbales at the beginning and the weak vocals. Just go with it.
Do a tough dance like you’re wearing a leather jacket and ripped clothing. “In your face!”
Why did I love this song when I was a kid? Bleah…
This reminds me of dancing with Liz in high school. You know her!
I thought you needed to hear a baritone voice, for once.
Cool beginning, then listen for the claps and keyboard BOINKS on the chorus.
Optimist anthem from Australia with nice ascendant line before each chorus.
More optimism about tonight and tomorrow. Definitely trippy!
Start off in slow motion, then FREAK OUT! Could that be Cousin Nathaniel and Uncle Paul jamming on the drums?
Monday, November 30, 2009
WHOLE FOODS HYSTERIA
After many months of breathless waiting by the yuppie masses, the new Whole Foods outpost finally opened in Noe Valley on September 30th. BFD!
In honor of its two-month anniversary, I am proud to announce that I STILL HAVE NOT SET FOOT in that goddamn store.
Yes, I've desperately needed milk for my pastry addiction on more than one occasion, but not free-range goat milk from New Zealand, extracted by sufficiently warm hands and candlelight. So I have to rely on Safegay (Church & Market), Se Fue (29th & Mission), or even Walgreen's (gulp).
I knew all was lost in early September when a crowd gathered to marvel at the re-paved parking lot, which was marked off with yellow CAUTION tape. Yes, like a crime scene...complete with slack-jawed dolts taking pictures. They had these weird, predatory smiles on their faces, like a wolf drooling and licking its chops in an old cartoon.
Of course, I promptly called Tommy to make snarky comments. He's my partner in crime, the Statler to my Waldorf (Muppet Show reference for you young people), and a fellow Noe Valleyian.
On opening day, I called Tommy to laugh at all the pretentious assholes promenading up and down 24th Street with their WHOLE FOODS bags. He confirmed my worst fears, reporting that he saw the same thing over the hill in the Castro. Oh, come on...do we need another status symbol? Are WHOLE FOODS bags the new children?
It's true that we should be somewhat grateful in this economy that Whole Foods has hired lot attendants to cut down on parking-related brawls. From what I've seen, they're really good at their job in terms of managing cars, SUVs, and delivery trucks. However, where they see a driveway, I see a fucking sidewalk! So they'll wave cars in without "noticing" that a pedestrian is walking in front of said car. Glare, head snap, tongue cluck!
I guess these annoying yuppies are the price one pays for living in a safe urban environment. I sometimes try to defend Noe Valley when people start ragging about "dodging strollers and leashes" on the sidewalk, but I find myself doing exactly that, especially during my Saturday morning routine (the subject of an upcoming entry).
Apologies to Seattle Matt for this rant, who currently works in the Whole Foods corporate office.